Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Real Talk: Love your Job

You don’t have to love every single thing about your job.
But have something that makes you cry the happiest tears.
A long time ago I used to really love my job, this was a time when my teachers did most of the work, I just contributed a few things here and there. But for the most part, I didn’t do all that much and walked around lost because I had no idea what I was doing. (Like most teachers in their first ‘teaching’ job.) I really enjoyed waking up every morning to go to work though. I cared for my kids as much as anyone would for like over a hundred something teens who give just enough attention class and what’s being taught. It was I guess my honeymoon period in my job. A small school, a great couple of teachers (all are really nice but the ones I worked in class with), nice enough kids.
But then, I got to the not-so-happy period of my job. After the first year or so, I started to dread waking up in the morning. I started telling my mom that it would be hard to go home because finding a good full time job would be impossible. She always supported me and told me my room was the way I left it but then other days that she wouldn’t pay for my ticket back home. A little kind when I needed it, but strict when I needed to stop being a cry-baby.
Reality is the worst slap in the face you will ever deal with. Growing up. It happens when you least expect it. Apparently I’ve been doing it this whole time? I pay my bills as soon as I get them, I have money to eat McDonalds when I don’t want to cook, I can enjoy mall trips with Ryosuke on the weekends. I have actually been doing this adult thing for a while, I still don’t see it as I need my mom to talk to every morning and evening and I miss her hugs more than anything in the world, and if I could do anything I wanted for a day it would be to go home and be with my family. But anyway!
I don’t know about having a full time job in America, or anywhere else other than Japan. I’ve had part time jobs all throughout the end of high school and college. So I don’t know if it’s the same thing for other people my age doing the whole adult thing. What I do know is that MOST people my age didn’t plan ahead like I did.
In high school I knew what I wanted to do. I would go to college, study abroad, then graduate and get a job in Japan teaching English, then get married and be a full time house wife. These were my goals and there would be nothing to get in my way.
Up until the marriage part, (which isn’t far off), I have achieved all of my dreams. So for me to have that honeymoon scene ripped apart and literally cry to my mom at night of how much I wanted to quit and go home—things seemed to not be going as planned.
I’m pretty sure most people out there have dealt with being sad from time to time, and a fair amount have had their moments of the truest depression. In simple terms, I am not excluded from the latter. Because of this when I hit a slump, it’s a REALLY bad one.
(But I am fortunate, my mom has always told me the harshest of things to strengthen me far beyond the control it could have had over me. I love her more than words will ever allow me to express for it, and I can only dream of being a strong woman like her one day. )
These slumps were happening more and more often, and I was honestly considering to use all my saved money to send everything home and leave when my contract would be over this year. I delayed sending back emails indicating my possible extension which only resulted in more emails reminding me to reply—my anxiety was on the up and up.
But then, one day, in school, I cried tears that have not happened until this point.
One of my kids, who is a bit of a pain in the behind, responded to my teachers English question with a quickness. Now keep in mind that his response was in Japanese, but he understood the question as if it were his own native tongue and responded simply—without pretending to not understand or resist. It’s always been a give and take with him and he usually just sits at his desk, and stares at the wall until the bell rings

—so for him to respond, with a quickness and not in a rude manner…I cried the happiest tears like a damn fountain.
It was at this point that I realized, I love my kids—and for that, I love my job too.

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